BEWARE THE DREADED HOBBIE RAPPER!!!

- We hear you have what the humans call "slappers" -

Ever wonder why rappers will ask you about a track. Saying its hot then scoff at you like you trippin when you tell them the price THEY ASKED FOR no matter how low you go? Ever wonder why a rapper will give you a sob story about how they can’t afford your price then go rip a 16 about how they just blew a billion and don’t care? Wonder what makes a rapper not want to drop that few hundred dollars for a track from you but be more than willing to spend they’re LAST on a pair of space jam jordans and bubble kush? The innocent solution may be a simple case of value (risk vs reward) which is perfectly fine, but there is also a possibility that you are in the presence of the dreaded HOBBY RAPPER IN DENIAL!!!!

-Look honey, I believe he's trying to burst a rhyme or something-

First let me make painstakingly clear that this is not a complaint. I have a few faithful and paying clients that I work with and am grateful for. I’m not some bitter producer sitting around my website wondering why my beats aren’t selling. In fact things are going strangely well including a surprise I am itching to drop in the coming weeks. I am writing this because I often hear producers complain about broke rappers as if the rapper is some sort of victim who is clueless about his impoverished situation. Like he gets to the booth, spits on a track but when its time pay he reaches for his wallet, only to hit rock bottom when confronted with the devastating truth; that he/she is broke. This isn’t the case at all. In most cases it isn’t the rapper who is in denial at all; It’s you.

Now lets take a look at why an artist isn’t buying your tracks. You’re a producer with no resume or credits to your name. you have only worked locally and nothing you’ve done has been critically acclaimed even at that level (no diss this is a scenario). Regardless of these facts you happen to make a hot beat. I mean really hot (not just to you). An artist comes along and really likes it, so much so that they ask you if they can have that. You explain to them that the price is $150 for the exclusive and that you don’t do non-exclusives. Once again the artist goes into assessment mode only in this situation things are much different. The beat is hot but who is this producer they are as unknown as the artist. Also (and this is something I want to stress) an artist ultimate goal is usually finding a track that’s going to take them further into their career, however a lot of people do this and deep down KNOW THEY AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE. This is not meant as an insult. Just a fact. Of course everyone is going to say they are in it to be the best but most are just in it for an ego stroke, make tracks for their homies and maybe do a few local shows. Nothing wrong with that but you have to understand that this is gonna factor in HEAVILY to whether or not they are going to buy that track from you (at nearly any price). An artist that’s not THAT serious about their career isn’t going to drop hundreds of dollars on a beat anymore than a producer that’s not serious is gonna drop big money on any equipment. No they go and download a sequencer loop a couple of sound samples (“aye dog I got that dirty south synth samples volume three from motion sounds”) and call themselves a super producer. Rappers that aren’t serious are no different. They aren’t going to drop big cash on a beat for the career they aren’t serious about. THAT’S WEED MONEY!
Your thought process of course is going to be to think that they are suffering from sticker shock: they may be, but if they aren’t serious, your going to be dropping a looooong way down to the point where its not even worth it anymore.
Think about it, what does an artist (at any level) spend most of their career based money on. Pens and pads? Blue yankee hats? No; STUDIO TIME AND BEATS. That’s it. There is no real equipment required for rapping like production (again this is assuming You’re a serious producer who has paid for his/her equipment). A serious rapper understands that a purchase of a track from you means they think they can turn it into a quality record, thus it is worth the purchase (to within reason). If you have a name and a even better. A hobby rapper on the other hand is more concerned with an ego stroke from time to time. A hot beat is hot but it’s never going to mean anything more to them than a chance to play it in front of the homies or bump it in their 89 civic on the way to work at UPS. In other words a splurge purchase which would be nice but ultimately a waste of money.
Looking for serious rappers in what has become a sea of hobby rappers is akin to Prince Hakeem looking for a suitable Queen in A bar. I’m no “SOOPA PRODUCAH” by any stretch of the term, but I can give you a few examples of what’s worked for me.

[NOTE: these aren’t golden rules or nothing. Just what works for me. Take it as advice if you want.]

1. Don’t put the price of any of your tracks or your rates out there on the web, not even on your own site.

Ever notice that the more high end car dealers never seem to have the price of the car on the car? The specs are loaded up on there, the upgrades are listed but you always have to go to a salesman to find out the price. This is called “changing the power dynamic” by you asking the price you are instantly showing that you are interested in the item. Don’t list your price and the same will happen with you. You will get a few walk away from sticker shock but that’s acceptable. You also may not charge one person the same as the next (say an artist you really want to be on the track or a national act). Let all prices be on handshake status and make sure no artist tells another what your charging them.

2. Quality over quantity.

This is an obvious one but always put your BEST out front and understand the difference between a single and an album track. Having a billion album tracks on your website will lul some artist to sleep. Those are the ones that you show them after they already get that single from you. Its apple pie after the big mac.

3. Don’t put everything on your site.

The game is to be sold, not to be told. Likewise, your music page should give artist a strong suggestion of all that you can do, not all that you have done. You always want to have a few tracks available that others haven’t heard so that they feel as they are the only ones to hear it not in a deceptive way, you can let them know if you are shopping it but theres a big difference between shopping something to other artist or if you have it on a billboard to anyone.

4. Don’t be afraid to talk to the artist about their project.

To use another car reference, there is nothing that separates the high end lots from the kurt russel used car lots quicker than communication. If I come in looking for a four door v8 don’t try to smush me in the smart car because you are trying to get a quick sell. Actually ask the artist what they’re goals are. You don’t have to have an Oprah interview with them, but try to get an idea of what they want and how you can work with them.

5. Don’t let artist see your process (unless it really is some impressive setup).

I know I know “but Joey, some of the best tracks are some of the simplest ones done on some of the simplest setups” I know and I fully agree. The reason we know this however is because we know this AFTER its become a hit. Half the time it’s a shock to most people that some classics were rather simple tracks. Most artist (especially ones who don’t produce) don’t understand this and get a little under whelmed paying big money for a track only has a few simple parts to it or only took you a few minutes to make. I once had this heater of a track this artist was really digging. I do a lot tracks at my house, simple set up of a midi board and a few software plug ins. I brought this artist over once to go through some tracks and see if he heard anything he liked. Nothing was working, everything just “didn’t have that radio ready feel to it”.
A month later he we met up to hear what new stuff I had only this time we played tracks at the studio, with the bix mixing board and the mpc, daw workstation, lights and whistles there. He was digging the tracks and bought one on the spot.
They were the same tracks.
A simple process or uninspiring set up is always room for a rapper to to try and haggle with you “how you gon charge me XX when all you did was loop that and add drums to it?” let the product be all they see.

Hopefully these tips will help you dwindle down that pool of potential buyers from wannabes to serious inquiries.

MISSING THE POINT: How trying to appear cultured can make things worse

As a liberal I often get a bad rep in politics as a weak, dream-thinker with no foundation in the real world, almost as if I think most of the worlds problems can be solved if we all just “get along” and not use naughty words. Ironically, it’s as a hip hop producer that I get a completely parallel reputation as a thuged out mindless caveman who lives in a tribal warzone mentality, unable to discern higher levels of thought like tolerance and reflection in lieu of more practical things like “getting dat money”. Which is why I find myself at a rather frustrating crossroads with the recent dog and pony show from the master of dog and pony shows; Berkeley Artist Lil B.

For those that don’t know, Lil B is a former (ongoing?) member of hip hop group “The Pack” who are most known for their song “Vans”. Since the initial group success Lil B has gone the shock jock route with much success to the point of becoming a deity among the skinny jeans wearing Xtasy pill popping crowd in Cali. Its not uncommon to listen to a Lil B album and hear a jumbled mass of random cuss words and sound effects that somehow work on the excellent production he chooses (keyboard kid on the tracks), the most noticeable of which is his unusual habit of calling himself a “fag”, “faggot”, or even “pretty bitch” (he also believes he looks like a number of people who cause him to have “bitches on his dick” such as Hannah Montana, and even the savior but that’s a different story altogether). It appears Lil B has seen gold in dropping the gay bombs as he has decided to name his upcoming album “I’m Gay”.

THE PROBLEM:

First of let me say that the following is not going to be gay bashing so don’t worry. Secondly let me also say WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT!? Have we really gotten so PC in this country that to say anything bad about something gay instantly makes you homophobic? I hate Perez Hilton because he is a jerk does that mean I’m homophobic?

Ahem, moving on. Lil B is playing the white community like a fiddle and having them eating out of his hand. Within days he has a front page article on Huffington post about his “bravery” for the name of the album. He has even gone as far as to say he has received death threats over the title. He’s a regular martin Luther king! Better even! (Who the fuck was that MLK guy anyway? He was probably a homophobe!). The problem here is this. IT’S ALL BULLSHIT. Lil B hasn’t named the album “I’m Gay” to make any point about the gay community, or to take a stand for gay rights. He simply named it this because it would get attention, and it’s working.

I know what your thinking

“But the hip hop community hates gays he won’t sell anything”

The hip hop community (its arguable hatred for gays aside) hasn’t had a say in who sells albums since 1999. Its more important to get a cosign from the Disney channel than Hot 97. We all know who really moves units for hip hop artist these days and they sure don’t look like the artist. Middle (and upper) class suburban white kids. That guy that wants to look “down” at the party by telling you he has a Drake cd. Lets keep it real here. This is great for Lil B’s career. He’s going to be labeled a “hero” and “brave” for doing such a thing and no one is going to pay attention to the actual content of such an album. This album is going to be full of plenty of “bitch fuck a bitch bitch pretty swag bitch bitch fuck a bitch bitch fucking bitches on my dick because I look like Joe Bidden” and people are going to talk about it like it was as powerful for the culture as Marvin Gaye’s what’s going on record (hey didn’t he change his last name from Gay to Gaye? Homophobe!).

Why you ask? Because simply, IT’S ALL BULLSHIT.

See being actually about something and thinking is hard. Being a real person takes a lot of energy and focus and thought. People don’t have time for that shit, we have to make room for checking our ipad (2’s) and updating our twitter’s, facebook’s, tumblr’s etc.

As a counterbalance, rather than doing things to actually make us more enlightened people, we just do stuff to make us LOOK more enlightened as a people. Why plan a protest against an oppressive rule that bars two people from marrying each other when you can simply retweet a celebrity saying down with prob8? See how much easier that is?

Why go through all the trouble educating people on how there really is no difference between the straight and gay communities when you can have Hillary duff and Wanda Sykes pop up on TV and tell you not to say the G word to describe stuff in a cute and (un) funny way?

Hell why even bring up stories on the inequalities of LGBT people when you can spend your day emailing local radio DJs and telling them to not say no homo [friendly jab]?

After all isn’t this what that (homophobic) MLK guy like, had a dream about or something? I know he said he hoped that one day his children would be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character, but I’m sure he meant he dreamed to live in a world where people just couldn’t say the N word. Same diff right? *Presses like button*

The point is rather than actually doing a little research on Lil B and seeing right through this stunt (a simple YouTube search and clicking on the very first video of his where he goes on and on about his favorite subject would clear up any misconception that he named his album out of anything pure), people are just going to cosign this guy to oblivion because it makes them appear like they are concerned about this subject all the while not knowing they are the butt of his joke. This wouldn’t really bother me (it’s actually kind of funny) except for one thing; WHY DOES LIL B HAVE TO SACRIFICE THE HIP HOP AND BLACK COMMUNITY TO DO IT?

In the Huffington post/ MTV article the rapper goes on to tear down the hip hop community as being slow, un-evolved, and close minded (all the things he knows his new mainstream audience would want to hear)

"Hip Hop is a culture and environment which does not provide a safe place for an artist to come forward or to come out," he wrote. "If you listen to many rap lyrics they promote hate and gay-bashing. It is an environment where the thug and gangster mentality is prevalent. Artists boast of a hyper-masculine bravado, with their crotch-grabbing, degradation of women, and their braggadocios lyrical slaying about the number of women they've slept with and children they’ve produced."

It's those types of examples that Lil B said he's trying to fight against.

Really?

The same guy who just made THIS?

Seriously thinking that Lil B named his album “I’m Gay” to truly address anything regarding homosexuality and/or the lack of tolerance from the hip hop community is like thinking Howard Stern made his character “Fart man” to help raise awareness for prostate cancer. Now go back and look at the comments on how smug the people on huffpo regard us “cavemen” in the hip hop community. See what I am talking about and look at the lions Lil B delivered us to. I wonder if they will realize they’ve been had when he drops his next album “I’m going to rape Kanye West in the azz” (yes he really said this).