THE ART OF WAR: An ode to hip hop beef down right

Once as much a focal point in the culture as graffiti and spinning on your head, beef now gets a bad rap and is seemingly to be avoided at all cost by today’s rappers. In reality it wasn’t beef that killed anyone or embarrassed the culture, it was beef done wrong. Beef that starts in the streets and ends up on wax isn’t hip hop beef, it’s street shit that somehow ends up with people snitching on themselves. I for one would love to see the music brand get back to being more of a (lyrically) contact sport but I would like to see it done right. So in an effort to help, I introduce the art of hip hop beef, simple guidelines to keep you from making a fool of your self.

1. HAVE A GOOD SONG

I can’t stress this enough but having an actual good song is the single most important aspect of all. If the song is good firstly people will listen, secondly people will want to know the story behind the vitriol in the rhymes, people will go as far as to fact check, break down lyrics all the while adding fuel to the fire. From this point the ball will be in your opponents court…But the song has got to be good otherwise no one will care. Remember that diss song scott storch made to timberland? No? exactly.

2. MORE BRET HART, LESS HONKY TONK MAN

Bret the hitman Hart was a gladiator, a warrior, a true champion. The best there is the best there was and the best there ever will be. When he was the heavyweight champion, the excellence of execution would literally give any deserving contender a title shot, anytime anyplace. The honky tonk man however was a hack champion that somehow cheated his way into the belt and managed to keep it for 15 months by dancing around matches and even going as far as to disqualify himself in matches to retain the title. I see a lot of honky tonk in the new way of handling beefs now days. if your gonna be the top guy you have to understand that people are gonna take shots at you. And if it makes enough noise YES: YOU DO HAVE TO RESPOND.

Don’t let jay z fool you with the “im too big to respond” thing, it works for him and fits his cool debonair persona but also keep in mind that it came from the fact that the last time he started a rap beef HE LOST (see ether). Kudos for turning a weakness into a strength and all but lets not get it twisted. Too important to respond for one person can easily come off as too scared to respond depending on how you handle it. I cringed when I heard the now infamous “Drake, heres how they gonna come at you” verse from jay z essentially handing down a corrupt code of ethics more befitting in a corporate environment than the no holds bared war zone that is supposed to be hip hop. Im not saying you have to respond to any loser no name that makes a youtube diss about you. I totally understand the notion that you don’t want to make anyone more famous by responding to them. I kinda wish someone would make a pie chart of how already famous a possible foe would need to be in order to warrant a response.


3. KEEP IT ON WAX PEOPLE, KEEP IT ON WAX

Unless someone is flat out dropping threats (Specific ones) on you in they're rhymes don’t be that guy that takes it off in the records and into the streets. One of the most respected things in the nas vs jay war was that it ended without a body count and those guys WERE NOT holding back on wax. Peoples baby moms really got screwed, that alone could have led to someone getting gunned up and clapped quick. If you can’t respond in some bars and feel you have to get all Olivia Newton john with it, you lost.

4.SUBLETY IS KEY

I just saw the aftermath of Clipse member Pusha T dropping an alleged diss song to drake entitled “don’t fuck with me”. The rhymes are so subtle but cutting and is perfect for dealing with the first baby steps of a beef. If the issue turns out to be not important, forget about it, no big deal. If it turns out to be the beginning of something you dealt the first move. A diss like this isn’t a gun shot, but is more like you cocking the hammer. You never want to go all out on your first attempt. A lot of classic beefs started out with the opponents doing the lyrical version of boxers throwing jabs and dancing around each other in the first round. It’s very important to feel your opponent and the situation out. The best part about it is that it leaves enough to the imagination that maybe it was a diss at such and such, maybe it wasn’t. This causes people to ask questions, people like radio djs [publicity!]

5. TRUTH HURTS

When it comes to diss songs we as hip hop listeners have heard it all before.

“ill slap the shit outta you when I see you”
“I got more money than you”
“ my car cleaner than yours”

and so on and so on and so ad nausium.
But these are all very generic and make believe and unless they are put in a very clever way don’t really mean much. When it comes to diss records, nothing and I mean nothing hits like the truth. Provable, undeniable, embarrassing truth in rhyme form can cripple an opponent, sometimes serving as an instant knockout. Sometimes it can be a smoking gun (were speaking of evidence of course, see the “keep it on wax” rule) or sometimes logical conclusion of which the truth was out there the entire time but no one simply connected the dots (such as Eazy E’s dre diss “real muthafuckin G’s” track that pointed out Dre’s earlier more effeminate attire to his now gangster style change up), the best can be an inconvenient truth that comes at the worst time such as Eminem’s “warning shot” track to Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon that exposes a relationship between Em and the pop singer complete with recorded audio of a flirtatious phone conversation between the two. This approach usually ends things as they usually cause your opponent to have to respond on two fronts; both to the initial diss record and to the charges included in it. This is usually game over.

6. UNDERSTADING TACTICS

Remember earlier when I said keep it on wax? Well that’s not exactly an absolute. While its childish, reckless, and downright dangerous to get physical over a rap beef, there are non physical tactics you can use to stack the deck in your favor that are outside of creating actual diss songs. There is a reason boxing matches have the back story damn near movie intros of the fighters backgrounds and how the fight came to be before the big match, it builds up the story. This is politics and in politics you want to look like your winning so you’ll win. Never miss an opportunity to get one in on your opponent. The game did this while providing his voice for grand theft auto San Andréa’s. One of the fake gangsters in the game was named Jeffery, what’s so important about this name? it’s the same as Jeffery Atkins, real name of long time G unit enemy JA Rule. In between you putting another record out, little things like this will keep your name in the headlines and keep you relevant. It will also keep stroking the fires of that rap beef so it stays fresh. Don’t over do it though, I see two big ones being used all the time to the point of laziness the young guys hide behind “He mad cause he old” excuses and the old guys use the “I’m a legend you should just bow down now” idea.

These are not absolutes, people are doing things everyday to innovate and keep the art of beef fresh but please feel free to use these if you want to do it right.